


Hollow, Empty

by Shootingstarprince



Series: Late night Joshler thoughts [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Friends With Benefits, Love Confession, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Love, One-Sided Relationship, Poetic, Sad, Tysh, joshler - Freeform, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shootingstarprince/pseuds/Shootingstarprince
Summary: "I love you, Josh."That's all he really wants to hear.He doubts he ever will.





	Hollow, Empty

Tyler never means it. Josh knows that much. Or well, he does mean it, but he doesn't mean it in the way Josh wants him to. When Josh texts him "I love you" the reply is always "Love you". Never "I love you". And that's how Josh knows. It might sound strange but there's a difference. A huge difference. When Josh tells Tyler he loves him, he means that he, Joshua William Dun, loves him. When Tyler tells Josh "love you" it feels so empty. Love you. Who loves Josh? His mom, obviously, their fans, maybe, but Tyler, definitely not.

Sometimes it makes Josh real sad. Because he knows that Tyler sweeps Jenna off her feet and twirls her around and tells her "I love you". He tells her, that he, Tyler Robert Joseph, loves her. And he bets that it doesn't feel empty. He bets it actually feels like love, like fucking rainbows and sprinkles. Not hollow, like Tyler's love for Josh.

Sometimes Tyler will say: "I love you, man," but that doesn't make it better. Because it's empty too. It's not "I love you, /Josh/." It's "I love you, my best friend, my brother, my band mate." Josh knows that that's all he'll ever be to Tyler. Maybe a quick fuck, a make out session, on a lucky day, but never anything close to 'lover'. And that's really all he ever wants to be.

Oh what he would give to hear a genuine confession of love, fall from Tyler's lips and only be directed at him. "I love you, Josh." The drummer shivers. He can almost imagine Tyler's voice saying that and he allows himself to close his eyes and try to imagine Tyler's face, his lips moving in that formation, his eyes fixed on Josh's, staring deep into his soul as they always do. He sighs shakily as the image becomes more vivid, so vivid its almost real. He feels like Tyler really loves him. 

"Josh, snap out of it!" Says a voice all of a sudden and the red-haired man jumps, eyes opening. He gasps when he finds himself face to face with Tyler who's grinning at him and asking: "What were you daydreaming about, being all smiley?"

"I uh--" Josh stammers, trying to shake himself out of it and focus on the moment. He'd been smiling? He looks down, because he suddenly doesn't want to look into Tyler's eyes. He sighs: "It was nothing. Don't worry about it."

"You never tell me anything anymore," Tyler huffs and shoves Josh lightly. He's being playful, Josh can tell from his tone, but his heart stings and he feels his throat closing up when the younger man jokes: "I hate you, Josh."

Of course. Of course, in this case he'd say it like that. Josh forces himself to laugh and gets out of the chair, saying that he needs the bathroom and rushes there. He barely locks the door and doesn't make it to the toilet seat before his knees give out under the weight of his heavy heart and he collapses on the floor. He covers his mouth and sobs. He hates feeling like this and he hates himself for letting it happen. Oh, he hates himself so much. He's pathetic. He's disgusting. He can't do anything without Tyler and it's downright pitiful.

Tyler is Josh's lifeline.

Josh wants Tyler to love him so bad. But it's not going to happen. And eventually, Tyler will get tired of him. Dump him like trash. And Josh can't handle that thought. So, he leans against the bathroom wall and closes his eyes and he tries to catch that thought of Tyler saying "I love you" only to him.

He knows it's pathetic. Maybe he's mentally fucked up or something. But it keeps him going. And it calms him down because he can get out of the bathroom within the next five minutes. Tyler urges him to go out and Josh agrees because he always does. He can't say no to Tyler.

That night, they're stumbling home. They're drunk. Tyler's probably a bit less drunk than Josh. Tyler doesn't have feelings to bury under alcohol, so he doesn't have to be.

"I love you, Tyler," Josh tells him, through the drunken haze and his speech slurs a little bit, but he sounds so genuine. So, so genuine. Fragile. On the verge of breaking. Tyler chuckles though. He doesn't notice. He wraps an arm around Josh's shoulders and pressed a wet kiss to his cheek and says: "Love you too."

Josh laughs.

It turns into a sob. Then another one. Tyler notices this time. Before Josh knows it, they're sitting on the grass, by the sidewalk and Tyler is holding him and he's just crying. Tyler asks what's wrong. He's frantic. Scared. Good. Josh wants him to be. He deserves it.

"I hate you," He laughs. Bitter, cold, exhausted: "Or at least I fucking try."

Tyler doesn't get it. Josh blacks out.


End file.
